so, i was engaged...i was actually going to get married. the engagement didnt last long and i need to explain to the world why i made the choice to end it. you know when you say you love someone? well there are two types of love...there is hey i love you, your my good friend, and there is im in love with you, marry me. well this person i was going to marry, i really loved, but im not IN love with them. i thought i was, until i accidently fell in love with someone else. now i know, that i wasnt truly in love with that person and i guess i just love them more as a friend. and this person i fell IN love with, i cannot stop thinking about, try to base every decision, every move on what this person wants to do. just to make them happy. im not going to say who this person is, its not worth mentioning considering they KNOW i feel this way and nothing will ever come out of it because they would have said something back about it or made some kind of move, ANY kind of move or word would have been nice. instead, i sit here, still basing every decision or move on this person. i cant eat, i cant sleep, i wonder what theyre doing at every moment. if i do somehow fall asleep, i lay there first, thinking about this person. and when i actually do fall asleep, i dream about them...sometimes good, sometimes bad. but it doesnt matter. i still wake up basing EVERY move on this person. i try to make small talk with this person but i just feel annoying because the small talk is every five minutes and if its not every five minutes, i think about it every five minutes and just hold back. my day ends up being ruined or upset if this person doesnt talk to me much and i get overwhelmed by jealousy when they are having fun with other people and we dont talk as often as we usually do. and even though i know nothing will ever come out of these feelings i have, i will FOREVER have them...i have never had these feelings before, and there is a reason. i have been waiting i guess. its just too bad that these feelings are only good for destroying me inside. i told you to leave a long time ago, i told you over and over. i said i didnt want to hurt you and that i would. every fight we had or have was me hurting you. i cannot control my feelings sometimes, so i try to pull away. anyways, im going to wrap it up, i thought getting these feelings out would make everything go away and make it not hurt as bad. but all its doing is tearing me up more. and to this person i have been writing about...if you happen to read this, i dont want you to hate me for it, i dont want you to even think about why i could possibly think these things, cause remember that time you said, nothing matters, and you cant help who you love. that should sum up why i have these feelings.